Seetan's Xanga

Retreat coming to an end..

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 06:40:39 GMT

Its been quite some time since I came to update stuff. Guess it gets kind of easy to develop into a lazy habit over time... Haha, and its amusing to see people getting annoyed at having no idea what i'm up to. Ok, enough of sadistic and unuseful ramblings..

During the 2 mths back in NS, there's no such thing as internet access at the work place. After work, its back to meeting friends and such, hence the priorities are all given to all these things. The motivation to blog seem to come when there's time & not much urgent things to do. Or is it the pains of certain things that made me run away?

Hence after Ns ended. I entered into a mode of reflection to repair much of the stuff that was eating away in my mind. It included sleeping for many hours. Eat sleep, eat sleep is all I did for a weekend. Surprisingly, regenerative sleeping takes up so much energy..

Then the next step was to organize my life and environment. Includes cleaning and scrubbing all my room furnitures and barang, clearing thousands of emails..., cleaning car, settling all those minor minor things which didn't seem so minor when put together..., creating database of friends etc. And getting a new clothings... expensive work.

The physical organization was pretty much done last week. Now leaves the brain and heart that needs some organization. Afterall, the life of a working adult requires many skills and emotional mastery to excel.

These 2 weeks would be dedicated to such stuff. When I am finished with sorting things to a higher level. An improved me would be out to do great things in this world. Plan more and less action, or more action and less planning? Whichever works best is what we all seek. I wonder if impatience is a factor.

Daily Reads

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 05:19:07 GMT

I've added a link under subscriptions. Seetanx for listing all my daily reads of webpages, blogs, and stuff.

Kinda weird way to put a list. Inspired by weirdo nick. But it serves its purpose and I won't forget to read stuff when i'm surfing outside.

Those interested can check them out too. Your links might be there if I remembered. Lolz

Monday, August 28, 2006

Mon, 28 Aug 2006 08:47:51 GMT

Towards & Away Values

The past few weeks was a great time of inner contemplation and revelation for me. Most significantly, after hearing Adam speak about Values at POE 19 a few days ago, I started to list out mine and this began a journey of reflection on how things had been for me in the past 25 yrs.

Basically, my top 3 Towards Values are

1) Winning 2) Love 3) Excellence.

This means that I naturally do things to fulfill these 3 criteria. They are important to me perhaps due to the circumstances I grew up in, or maybe I was born with them. Nevertheless, I enjoy winning, receiving and giving love, and I desire to become the best in what I do.

Unfortunately, values sometimes contradict and sabotage each other. At times I dare not champion what I believe is right because I do not want to hurt the feelings of people. At times when I have the chance, I dare not shine and show my brillance because it might make others look at me differently. The contradictions is tormenting sometimes, and I think all of us have that some time or another.

My top 3 Away from Values are

1) Being Weak or Lousy 2) Losing 3) Hurt

Simply speaking, I hate to look weak, lose, and be hurt. And at times, I will do whatever it takes to avoid being in situations that make me face feel them. While they serve to make me take steps to become stronger, they also deprive me of many opportunities. Come to think of it, I seem to have missed out on lots of self training and practice due to these egoistic reasons.

Perhaps they explain why I am still small and insignificant at this point of time. Perhaps it is also some of my opposing beliefs and silly thinking that needs to be challenged, destroyed or transformed, so that they can complement with who I am on the inside.

At the same time, I also feel very powerful and complete, but it only comes out at times. Ah life is so interesting. With so many things on the outside and inside to conquer, love, and make shinier, each day can be so fulfilling.

Ah yes, and more action and less talk!

Friday, August 04, 2006

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 04:50:20 GMT

Version 7

Version 7 of my boardgame was put to its ultimate test on Wed night by good players like Vera, Alex and Yong Zhi. Seems like more work needs to be done before it reaches its epitome in version 10.

The new name given by Alex is Tragedy farm. Which is a pretty much bigger tragedy if kids find it so. Alex's counter spells comment also helps.

Vera's contributions are much appreciated. They are good, and will appear in V8 soon.

Yong Zhi seemed pretty much ok with stuff. Which is good feedback also.

Nevertheless, the ultimate version which will blow the world apart is nearing its appearance. I humbly behold its creations.

Muahahahar

Monday, July 31, 2006

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 05:56:13 GMT

Graduation & DnD Pictures Revealed

Pictures speak a thousand words. This post is like a thesis already! Haha

We're outside the Reception area. Its hot in that robe. Or is it just my heart? ; )

I've never seen my dad that goofy before. Thanks to Yz's candid shots!

At last we meet up with Karen. She's so nicely dressed for us

Waiting and I sitting dangerously on a roof. Is that the new Biomedical building?...

Yongzhi and Karen chilling out. I wonder what is my camera pouch doing at his groin..

Cyrilla and Pamela at their Material Science Graduation reception. Ain't they cute? ; )

Wow, Charlotte got suitors~

The early comers for the DnD. AKA those that waited the longest... Lolz

Mervin and his wife Renee. They cleverly kept their baby girl at home~

One Wee in between two Seets. Double trouble! Haha

Take Wee smiling happily in between two Akltg participants. Doesn't spell trouble. Lol

I'm so lucky I could tear...~

Haha what a fantastic candid shot! I can't stop laughing!!! Check out Junxiang's look~

Ah, our recomposed brilliant smiles infront of the grand piano while waiting dinner!

Check out Collin's cool-ing hairdo. And Waiting's piggy face. Haha!

Charlotte and Seetha got strange habits. Haha sweet~

The full Table number 12 with Darren in.. plus one more Waiting! As always, everyone is part of this big happy family~

The continuous chain of interesting and exciting events bring closure to all our hardwork and efforts spent in Ntu. Now at last, we can go forth with valor and peace of mind into a bright and wonderful future filled with adventures and challenges.

I wish all those who were there with us in body or in spirit, a blissfully loving, wonderful and safe journey through life!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 06:15:08 GMT

MAE Graduation Dinner & Dance 2006

This friday 28th July is our Mechanical school's graduation dinner. I bet there will lots of strange stories from classmates and friends, as they encountered weird stuff one month since we graduated.

I'm holding on to the tickets to our table. The list of honorable guests are:

1) Yong Zhi 2) Charlotte 3) Jun Xiang 4) Pamela 5) Mervin 6) Mervin's wife Rene 7) Seetha 8) Darren 9) Myself 10) Take Wee (uncomfirmed)

Funny that half this table isn't from MAE... but oh well, its the fun that counts bah!

Location: Conrad Centennial Hotel BallRoom - Near Suntec

Time: 7pm seating

Dressing: Formal

Yea, I wonder what they will be wearing!!?

Friday, July 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:54:49 GMT

Short Personality Test

I got this test off Rachit's blog. Pretty interesting test. And the process is real quick too.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Results

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

What can I say... Im innocent...

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Wed, 19 Jul 2006 04:08:25 GMT

Life should be free from debts

As I start to come across more cases of people owing others money, leading to disputes, mean confrontations, and paint splashed on doors etc. I realized that the worst in human nature awakens due to the lack of abundance.

We all owe each other, in some form or another. Be it money, kindness, attention, love or even pain and nasty things. This strange relationship of linkages keeps us bonded together, but at the same time also takes away part of our freedom. Perhaps it is a part of life that we cannot be separated and become totally individual.

If we had more abundance in our lives, perhaps a lot of ugly situations could be avoided too. If I had a lot of love in my life. I can also give away lots of love and not expect anything in return. If I had a million dollars. I can also give away thousands of dollars to charity without consideration.

Should we strive for abundance? Or stay where we are, and hope nobody comes to take things away from us? And how much is enough to be considered enough for security and graciousness. Some only need a little to give. And some continue taking without much thoughts for contribution.

At times, I feel that there is much more things we can do to reach satisfaction in areas of our lives. And of course, by doing more and giving more, it is also inevitable that one has to receive something in return as well. Hence one might as well accept and look forward to them be it good or bad. Because things are not always the way we see it thanks to that ultimately intricately complicatedly linked forces of causes and effects.

I want to Power geyser, because I'm still growing, like all of you.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 02:29:18 GMT

The Ultimate Sleeping Guide for Highly Controlling People (Simplified Version)

This shall be the title of my new book to come. Cool and long isn't it? In a year or so perhaps, it shall be published, and become a best seller in popular bookstore or something.

After testing almost all the methods of sleeping aids out there like pills, tv media's support pillows, meditation, self talk, sheep counting, warm milk, self grafitication, yoga positions, silk pyjamas, temperature control etc. I finally discovered the art of sleeping!

For those of you with trouble sleeping, or tend to sleep a lot but still wake up tired. Thats good. Because you'll find my guidance very helpful, and you might buy the book. Haha just kidding...

The art of sleeping, according to my findings is to support what your body and mind's needs and wants, until it is satisfied and decides to rest. Which means that you can't force yourself to sleep, or command yourself to rest. The more control you want to exert on your body, the more it retaliates against you.

Going to bed tired and eager to sleep is good. But if your mind and body is not satisfied, you still may not wake up feeling good. Can't blame it for giving you substandard rest when you don't give it what it wants right?

There are many needs the body requires intake during the day. Long list if you ask me. Examples are: Sunlight, a meaningful day of giving your best, good relationships, good diet and water intake, happiness, adequate exercise, destroying obstacles and ah bengs etc.

But these are perhaps only secondary compared to what you are doing when you close your eyes. For highly controlling and demanding people like me, and some of you... We make the biggest mistake of holding on to certain things and analyzing on them too much. Some people advice to stop thinking. I find this advice very deep, and I think that usually only when you do the necessary helpful thinking can it stop.

As a result of holding on tightly to dreams and goals, troubles, relationships, it causes a disruption in energy flow, and leads to repressed emotions blocking up something. Trust me that your body hates this more than you eating junk food, hiding in lanshops all day, or being a complete idiot like Homer Simpson (who sleeps alot). Its ok to have problems because we are only human. And thinking of them during the night is a natural thing for most of us. But the problem now is in how we think of them.

Exerting too much control leads to some form of stagnation. Emotions can't run smoothly. Things get unresolved, unexpressed, and tense. As such, the body refuses to rest until things get settled. But unfortunately, what resolves these heavy issues most of the time is the great wisdom deep within your body and mind. Our conscious thoughts are just there to support that bigger inner intelligence with as much wisdom (quite limited), positive encouragement, and love.

Hence all you have to do, is to submit to your body, and let it have control. For highly controlling people like me and some of you who "Have" to do something type, you might do a lot of good by supporting your body in as much ways you are comfortable with.

Letting the body guide you to where it wants to go is pretty easy. It feels just like meeting someone you love and letting that person bring you to a place where both of you want to be. Feel what it wants, and agree to go where it wants to lead you. This part I don't know how to explain. But I assume it is naturally built in. A bit like how we can go to toilet and let our bowels do the work naturally. Exert too much and it leads to constipation. Unless you got very good qi gong practice or something.

Most of the time unsatisfied emotions will become stronger. Like sadness, anger, hurt, fear, or even excitement, anticipation and happiness. Feeling them and embracing them is perhaps the most efficient way to go, and let it give you all the images and sensations it wants. Sometimes you'll realize at this point that you're unconsciously tensing your shoulders or something. Similarily, don't force it to relax.... just be nice to it and let it tense for a while.

In a nutshell, the art of sleeping, minus all the mental and body nutrition you should gather during the day, is to hand over as much permission and control to your body and subconscious mind as possible when you sleep. And of course don't shove it forcefully over as well... Let the sleeping instinct/program come to you naturally by feeling it and listening to it first. But your job doesn't end there, you also got to support it fully by being nice and supportive and being open to its lessons, complaints and strange places it hence brings you. Just be aware not to let this supporting turn into another round of control also.

Similarily, if all these seem too complicated. Forget about them and just go to sleep.

Anyways, i'm grateful for you reading. Give me any feedback on things you feel is incorrect. Happy sleeping to you all wonderful people tonight.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 06:02:18 GMT

Finger bruised by ink pellets

During off days, we sometimes have to go for special training. Using ink pellets, we have shooting games with each other.

I got hit in the finger by a blue ink pellet. Man it freaking hurts. Fortunately, unlike other collegues, they got bruises all over their body. It was a very sadistic game indeed...

Still it was pretty fun. And talking about fun. Is Vera's Puerto Rico. Yong Zhi and I tested it at her house with her buddies. First class indeed. Not to mention her gigantic house...

More inspirations up in my mind thanks to all these lovely people!